ACT TWO

Scene I: Soundstage of Hollywood Studios Incorporated. At stage left is a flat depicting a wharf shack; at stage right is a movie camera mounted on a dolly and a director’s chair.

Scott: (Pacing back and forth, looks at watch, foghorn sounds)

Fasching: (Enters)

Scott: You are late.

Fasch: I had to shake the police.

Scott: The Police?

Fasch: Don’t worry. I took the proper precautions.

Scott: Do you have the film?

Fasch: Yes.

Scott: Well let me have it. We can’t stay here too long. Someone may be watching.

Fasch: Not so fast. I’m not to give it to you, remember. Der Fueher wants it delivered in person.

Scott: There has been a change of plan. I’m to deliver the microfilm alone.

Fasch: I don’t believe it. I won’t give it to you. We’ll proceed as planned.

Scott: I think, mein Freund, that you will give it to me. (Pulls gun) Hand it over.

Fasch: You can’t shoot that here. The sound would echo among the warehouses. The Polizei would be quickly on the scene.

Scott: You are right, but then it would still be too late to save your life. Don’t you think it would be better for both of us if you gave the film over quietly?

Fasch: I would sooner die than let you have the film. You will be caught here. There’s no escape.

Scott: A mistake on your part. There is a motor launch waiting at the end of the wharf. Before the police can arrive I will disappear into the fog.

Fasch: All right, you win. Here is the film. (Points at gun) You have a most persuasive argument in your hand.

Scott: Persuasive and effective, fool. You didn’t think for one minute that….

Director: Cut! Something’s gone wrong with the stereophonic sound. (Goes off stage)

“Stereophonic Sound”

Movie Stars and Extras

[lyrics omitted — see original scan; song is copyrighted material licensed for the 1959 production]

Director: (Comes back on stage) Take a breather! Shooting will start again in an hour.

Scott: Why the delay?

Director: George won’t be able to fix the Stereophonic system right away.

Scott: We’re behind schedule as it is. Tell him to hurry.

Gate: Excuse me, Mr. Scott. There are three excited people outside. They want to see you.

Scott: I’m too busy.

Gate: They said it’s important.

Scott: Who’s they?

Gate: They didn’t give their names, but they’re Americans if that’s any help.

Brick: It’s probably those guys from the hotel.

Scott: Well, send them in.

Gate: (Leaves)

Brick: I wonder what they’re all steamed up about?

Scott: I don’t know. We’ll soon find out.

Al: Mr. Scott, may we see you alone a minute?

Scott: Sure. You don’t mind do you, Brick?

Brick: No. I’ve gotta see some of the crew about some still shots for the newspapers anyway. (Walks to other group)

Scott: Okay now–what’s the scoop?

Pat, Brad, Al: (Loud and simultaneously) Well these three guys and a red star… / Those three guys you sent over… / Commissar with N K V D

Scott: Wait a minute! One at a time, please!

Al: Were those three guys you sent over on the level?

Scott: What three guys–where?

Al: Your Producers–Over to the Liechtenstein Hotel!

Scott: I didn’t send anybody over. Maybe Brick did.

Al: Why don’t you check with him?

Scott: Brick, come here a minute, will you?

Brick: Yeah, what do ya want?

Scott: Did you send our producers over to the Liechtenstein Hotel after these three guys?

Brick: No–why?

Scott: Yeah–why?

Al: We were sitting in the restaurant and three guys came up to us and said they were from your studio.

Brick: What were their names?

Al: One of them was Charles Purcell and who were the other two, Pat?

Pat: David McFarley and John Shay, I think.

Brick: There aren’t even any extras around here with those names.

Scott: They said they were from our studios and I sent them?

Brad: Yes, they told us we were to audition for a part in your movie.

Scott & Brick: (Look at each other in amazement) Part? Movie?

Al: Yeah and there was a mysterious looking character sitting at one of the tables next to us. They told us he was your casting director and that we should go over to his table and act like a trio of spies who were going to get a new assignment. This guy played right along with us.

Brick: Hey, Mac!

Mac: Yeah?

Brick: DID YOU eat at the Liechtenstein Hotel this afternoon?

Mac: NO**I ate at one of those joints down the street at eleven. We were back here at noon getting ready for shooting. Anything wrong?

Brick: No, nothing’s wrong. Thanks. Couldn’t have been our casting director. You just heard Mac say he wasn’t down there at noon.

Scott: I smell a rat. Do you have any idea who this guy was?

Pat: We sure do. And that’s what really threw us.

Brad: The identification card in his wallet read Commissar Petronov NKVD.

Scott: Communist? Casting director?

Brick: What about these other three guys?

Al: They cleared out right after they told us what we should do for the audition. They didn’t even introduce us.

Scott: Are you sure about the information on the identification card!

Brad: Positive.

Brick: Communists – Movies – it just doesn’t seem to hang together.

Scott: I don’t like guys going around saying they’re my casting directors and misrepresenting our studio. Who do they think they are? We could haul them into court for this.

Brick: Have you ever seen these guys before?

Al: Yeah, they’re staying at the same hotel we are.

Pat: This Petronov seems to want us for something. When we were leaving the resturant he started to run after us. We figured something was fishy so we shook him as fast as we could.

Brick: Well if this guy wants to see you so bad he’ll be looking for you. And he’s sure to keep his eye on Leichtenstein’s dining room because that’s where most of the hotel patrons eat.

Brad: We can always eat somewhere else.

Brick: You guys don’t get the point. Look, when I say communist, I don’t just mean a guy who sent a food package to the wrong side of Spain. I mean a high-ranking Soviet executive — a Commissar. What you are going to do is play sitting ducks and when Mr. Mystery comes around we can get a look at him.

Al: He’s sure to be there for the opening of the Once a Year Day tonight.

Scott: And since we’re all patrons, it’ll be a perfect excuse for us to be there.

Brad: I don’t like the idea of being a decoy for this guy. After all he is a Communist and something’s up. Maybe we should let the police know about this.

Brick: No – that would only complicate things – besides we can handle it ourselves so far.

Scott: When we catch these imposters…

Brick: It will be brilliant publicity for our movie.

Scott: Tell you what. You three be there for the opening of the Once a Year Day. We’ll get there as soon as we can. Should be done shooting around five or five-thirty.

Brick: You should be able to handle things at least till we get there.

Extra: (Some extras enter) Do they have the stereo fixed yet?

Scott: Say, it is about three. Go back and check on it, Brick. I’ve got to get ready for this scene.

Al: So long, Mr. Scott, we’ll see you at the party.

Scott: Don’t worry – we’ll be there as soon as we can. (Keys leave)

CURTAIN