Hulk O’My Heart (We Love You!)
by Jack Fritscher
HULK
Like Tom “Magnum” Selleck, Hulk Hogan, pro-wrestler and supporting star of Rocky III, is one of those OVERNIGHT SENSATIONS you’d like to invite home for overnight sensations a never gonna give! Viewed in a wrestling ring, or on The Tonight Show, Hulk’s 6-foot-4, 280 pounds of extremely hairy blond Look commands up close adoration and worship. Hulk is one of those rare finds who makes falling on your knees to hear the angels’ voices worthwhile. Before Hulk-o-Mania began with Rocky III, Hulk Hogan was a well-established star on the professional wrestling circuit. His real name is tough enough: Terry Boulder. His younger brother, shown on these pages in exclusive California Action Guide photos is a blond beefcake himself. Terry and Eddie Boulder: two guys any red blooded American man would want to pay his respects to!
DRENCHED IN SWEAT: AWA TITLE
When Hulk Hogan met Nick Bockwinkel in Oakland recently for the American Wrestling Association heavyweight title rematch, Hulk had already won the AWA championship—for five minutes. In an earlier contest, a heartbreaker for heartbreaker Hogan, a technicality in the AWA rules stripped acting ability sent him into a pro-wrestling rage. He strutted around the ring, flexing his massive arms, showing his sweaty pits, clenching his rockhard fists, and shouting for Bock’s head on a platter. Drenched in sweat, his blond hair matted, the Handsome Hulk, when Bock’s head was not forthcoming, immediately signed an AWA contract for a rematch.
WHATEVER HULK WANTS HE CAN HAVE
During that rematch in Oakland, Hogan met Bockwinkel in center ring: two Road Warriors speeding toward each other in the fast lane. Once Hogan locked Bock into bicep-and-pit-and-throat combat, it was pure MANFURY all the way. Hulk had the match sewn up when, with a bottomless supply of adrenaline, he grabbed a ringside metal folding chair and tried to knock Bock’s head off. First he hit the referee to clear the ring, and then beat Bock with the chair.
“Hulk,” one fan said, “needs a manager to take over when his self control cracks.” (Applications now being taken!)
THE HULK HOGAN FAN CLUB
Hulk Hogan is the MAIN ATTRACTION for a growing national Fan Club centered in the Bay Area. If Hulk and his little brother Eddie are straight, they clock in as the type of men the Hulk Hogan Fan Club would like to entertain, for a fee even, for one hour one evening. At least twelve men are ready to pay Hulk for a house call. The big ol’ blond boy needs only to pose and growl while the Fan Club beats off. Hulk can appear in full wrestling gear, and can strip off his singlet to a posing strap, to a jock, to his socks, to his boots—to whatever degree a pro-wrestling exhibitionist feels comfortable giving the exhibition of his life to fans who REALLY appreciate a studbull animal!
FAN CLUB WILL BUY SWEATY T-SHIRTS!
We promise, Hulk, we won’t touch you unless you allow us to feel free to sniff your sweaty pits, lick your big arms, and check out your hairy checks. In an hour, you’d have whatever you wanted out of a worshipful group of men who are tired of, and bored with, moustacheless Colt Modelles and steroid crazed gay bodybuilders. Hulk and Eddie (who can come along for the evening too, so there, will be enough Body Sculpture for true Graduate Study) are bodybuilders who are not afraid to strut and pose and show their big, beefy, blond, TOP goodlooks. Bodybuilding wrestlers are the art of bodybuilding applied. Most bodybuilders are too pussy to mix it up demonstrating killer holds and wrestling around, for fear they’ll bruise their steroid shot-spots. A macho wrestler like Hulk has body pride he’s not shy at all to show off. (Catch the glaring eyeful of attitude he gives shrimpy Stallone in Rocky III!)
HULK HOGAN: CALL US! MAKE DATE!
So, come on, Hulk, if you want to be a really Center Ring Attraction for a group of hot masculine men getting off on your big, beefy, blond, muscle, athlete Look, for an hour or two where you call the shots, you’ll never find a more discreet group than the California Bay Area Hulk-o-Mania Fan Club!
California Action Guide: Vol. 1 No 3 Sep 1982